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Pre-Millennial male high school graduates angered by wave of female teacher sex scandals

Sex & Relationships

Pre-Millennial male high school graduates angered by wave of female teacher sex scandals

No child left behind? Tell that to these men.

LOS ANGELES, CA—A wave of high school sex scandals involving female teachers seducing and bedding their male students has men who graduated high school before the year 2000 angry.

Daily Bamboo convened a panel of males who graduated high school between 1979 and 1999 to discuss what some are calling a “sex-pidemic.” Some of the men participating in the panel are themselves fathers of teenage boys and all agreed that the situation at America’s high schools is disturbing.

“It’s just not right,” Joe Sheen says while shaking his head. Sheen graduated from Boulder High School in Boulder, Colorado in 1982 and while there, never had a sexual encounter with a female teacher. “When I was in high school, this didn’t happen. There were no smoking hot 24 year-old teachers trying to ride me like a stallion. I basically had to masturbate before I matriculated.”

Kenny Ryan graduated from Clements High School in Sugar Land, Texas in 1997. He too never received sexual mentoring in high school.

“You hear these stories today and it’s crazy. You don’t want to believe it’s really happening,” he said. “I had to work so hard to get oral sex from my girlfriend in my senior year, and it was her first time too so it wasn’t that good. Now you hear these stories about freshmen and sophomores and juniors being seduced by crazy horny teachers in their 20s. I mean, they’re bringing them top-shelf alcohol, sexting them, and banging them in their cars and houses. On a regular basis too, and without these kids having to take them on dates, buy them flowers and all of that other nonsense that guys usually have to do to get laid.”

If you graduated before 2000, your female high school teachers probably didn’t look like this, and if they did, they weren’t having sex with you.

Experts aren’t sure why high school sex between male students and their female teachers appears to be occurring more frequently. But for Pre-Millennial male high school graduates like Sheen and Ryan, the explanation doesn’t matter.

“The bottom line is that we missed out,” Ryan says. “Nowadays you hear all this talk about ‘no child left behind’ but what about us? The truth is we were left behind.”

While Sheen is angered by the shortcomings of his high school experience and often reflects on how much happier his high school years would have been if he had a teacher who went the extra mile to help him find himself sexually–he blames an embarrassing teenage emo phase on his sexual frustrations–he has a message for today’s male high school students who are getting a very hands-on sex education.

“Enjoy every damn minute of it. You little bastards don’t know how lucky you are.”

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