ATLANTA, GA—According to a recent Pew survey, 86% of Americans believe the country is more politically divided today than in the past, and in the wake of a presidential election that brought these divisions to the forefront, some Americans are beginning to ask a horrifying question: is a second Civil War around the corner?
While the prospects of a second Civil War are questionable, a growing number of citizens aren’t waiting for the real shots to be fired. To deal with their post-election frustration, they’re turning to Civil War re-enactments.
According to the American Civil War Association (ACWA), participation in Civil War re-enactments has doubled since January 1 and is at an all-time high.
“We’ve never seen anything like this before,” Rod Beck, the ACWA’s chairman, stated. “Some of the events are turning people away because there’s too much interest.”
For Jeremy Ward, a 27 year-old account manager from Atlanta who voted for Hillary Clinton in last year’s election, weekend Civil War re-enactments have offered an opportunity to let off steam.
“Other forms of protest weren’t doing it for me. I went to Washington on Election Day and have knitted more pussy hats than I can even count,” he told Daily Bamboo. “I was skeptical about the Civil War re-enactments because I thought it was mainly the type of thing conservatives do, but it has been incredibly therapeutic.”
Billy Harris, a 52 year-old Republican who lives outside Atlanta and runs a plumbing business, has been participating in Civil War re-enactments for the past decade. The Trump supporter scratched his head when Ward showed up at his first re-enactment, demanding of course, to fight for the North.
“To be honest, Jeremy seemed like a bit of a cuck at first.”
“To be honest, Jeremy seemed like a bit of a cuck at first,” he said. “I didn’t think he would cut it, but he’s making progress. He sort of knows how to hold a rifle now, although I’m not sure he’d be able to handle the recoil of live fire. I mean, he looks like he weighs about 120 pounds with a wet towel.”
For his part, Ward had plenty of reservations about Harris. “I think his heart is probably in a good place but he’s really closed-minded and not very well-read. Like, he had never heard of the Communist Manifesto or Lean In.”
Fighting to avoid a new Civil War
Despite their differences, Ward and Harris have developed a mutual respect on the battlefield, and in one recent re-enactment, Harris even found himself fighting for the North alongside Ward.
“It was a great moment,” Ward commented. “I felt hope for the first time since Obama’s first term.”
The blossoming friendship between Ward and Harris suggests that divided America can be healed and a second Civil War averted, but there’s still an uneasy tension at the Civil War re-enactments and Harris admitted that when push comes to shove, he’s ready to do whatever it takes to deal with “communist libtards” if they cause trouble.
“Jeremy’s a little bit strange and effeminate, but I think he’s a good kid,” Harris said. “But I’ll still be the first one to put a .45 in his ass when the shit hits the fan.”